A Day Off

Last night was better then the night before.  Elliana only cried about 3 times and Hunter only woke up twice. I did end up sleeping with Elliana but she fell asleep when I was laying next to her. I did not complain too much because it did get me off the couch.  Later today we did ask Elliana why she was crying and could not sleep. Today she told us it was bad dreams. Yesterday she was scared about being back here in Latvia. I hope after today she will be more comfortable. She has been crying a lot more during the day then normal and she always wants kisses and keeps saying I love you to us. Even Jeff is getting showered with Elliana attention. I wish I could say we were really happy about it but we know it is coming because of insecurity. We are kissing her and hugging her back. There are times when we are checking out of a grocery store where she does have to wait and she does not like to wait for a kiss at all. It leads to crying. We are working on building that solid bridge back up. Jeff says it is like we took a step back with them.

Today since we had a day off we became Tourist of Latvia. Now if you know me well I can sometimes be very sentimental. Latvia has a locking bridge in Bastejkalns Park. I purchased a lock back home and engraved it with "Holub, family promise".  I found a very unusual lock and put it on top of it. We made the promise to always be a family through thick and thin. The kids did not understand but Jeff and I did. I think it would be cool when we take the kids back 15 years from now that we try to find this lock.  If you are ever in Latvia this park was breath taking. WOW. The flowers, bridges, benches, status, layout, waterfalls, and even the side streams were amazing.

I also really wanted to take a boat ride on the Daugava River which run through this park. When we asked the price the lady told us that our kids were free. Spencer loves anything that moves and it did really boost his spirits up. I think the other two became bored on the boat ride. We ended up with another couple from England. Jeff and I enjoyed the political conversation. 

Since it was only lunch time when we finished this and the kids were misbehaving some but not too much. We decided to go to Jurmala beach. We wanted to take the kids there since they are very well known beaches and we don't know when we will come back. We were told of this pizza place called Red Bus right by the beach. The pizza there was very good and a fair price. Jeff and I really liked it a lot. The kids keep saying they want American food. It cracks me up. When we first picked up the kids they loved the food I fixed here in Latvia because it was better then what they had before. Then we get to America and they went crazy for the food we fix. Now that we are back and I don't have all my spices or tools they don't want to eat.  I even packed pancake mix but I did not pack nutmeg or cinnamon or vanilla extract so the pancakes are just OK for them.

So playing tourist in Latvia we had to visit the Baltic beaches.  The beach was so much fun for these guys. We were there for five to six hours. You could walk 80 feet out and still be only 2 - 3 feet deep. That was perfect for them since they can't swim yet. There was no crying or whining or bad behavior while we were there. It was a complete melt down when we left but it was a nice time there. Lots of people are on the beach but since you could walk so far out it was not too crowded in the water. I just had to keep in mind I was on a European Beach, there were several times I thought more material or material period is needed.  Hunter wanted me to build him a dinosaur out of the sand. I told him I was really good at lopsided soccer balls. He did not go for that at all. So I did do a dinosaur. I was happy that it looked like one too.  The boys wanted to be buried in the sand. It was so funny.  Elliana wanted nothing to do with the sand. She wanted to only be in the water. That girl loves water.

The kids did have a lot of fun today. They did keep saying that they did as well. They do all miss home their dogs, grandparents, and church. They keep singing only two lines of "Our god is a great big god." I need to learn the dance to that song. Elliana wants me to show her but I only know what she knows. HA.

Oh almost forgot. Spencer lost his second tooth today! He was really proud of it. He pulled it out and not Hunter this time.  PS the ice cream here is still amazing!!!

Post Travel / Travel

We told the kids we were going back to Latvia about a month ago. They all took it well at first. Then this past week they all freaked out differently about the trip. Spencer has been taken it the hardest or at least from the outside. He will grab me, scream, jump, yell, and thrash around. Sometimes I have to pin him down so he does not hurt himself or me. He started by only doing that with the five of us then he started to do it public. I told the daycare if they have issues they can call us. They only had issues with Spencer the last two days before the trip. He started not wanting to listen to anyone and just stand in the corner. We kept telling him that he was coming home but he is right at the age where he just does not understand.  Hunter was just clinging more to us then normal. Elliana, I originally thought was taking it really well. We talked about it. She wanted to see this one friend but she did not know the girls last name. I was not sure where the girl came from so we were not able to make a connection. We talked about the girl and Elliana said she was nervous but we kept talking. Only when we were days away did she start to cry about it. She was scared she would not be coming back. I told her over and over again but she just kept on crying. I finally ended up holding her and one night I slept with her. I honestly wish we did not have to take the kids back. Being 7, 6, and 5 they don't understand and they really are stressing out about it.

My father came up with an idea to have the kids bring back pressed flowers so they would know they are coming back home.  I did help calm Elliana down a few times. I brought some wax paper with us so we can press the flowers.

Travel...
Well we decided to drive to Toronto and fly over to Latvia by means of Canada. No one in our agency has done that before. I also reached out on the two support groups and no one has done that either. In fact some people said they found cheaper flights but decided not to.  We are saving over $2,000 by flying in and out of Canada so we are going to find out how easy it is to get back in the Country or we will be living on the border until we figure it out.

Well the drive was long to Toronto but no delays with the flight. Hunter slept the most with about 2 hours. Elliana had close to that. Spencer did not sleep at all. He really liked to watch out the window the entire time. The flight went surprisingly smooth.  One big thing that made it easier was that the kids now understand English better and could pay attention to the movies they had.  The only issue we had was the fact our luggage did not show up. Jeff and I are light packers so the fact that one of three pieces of luggage was lost was horrible especially being the one with all our clothes, 110V to 220V converter for plugging in the cell phones, computer etc. We had packed a change of clothes in one of the carry-on so that helped the first night and of course we carry all our important documents. However, I was so worried about a change of clothes for the kids and Jeff, I did not pack myself a change of clothes. Luckily the luggage showed up late the following day (today), I was starting smell ripe. For Spencer he was jumping up and down not because he got his favorite car shirts back but because we can now make pancakes (we had packed some Hungry Jack pancake mix in the lost luggage).

We are staying in the same Riga Apartments. We just got a different smaller one to stay in. We asked for three cots for the kids to sleep and ended up with a pack - n - play and a bed. So Jeff and I took the couch and put the kids in the bed. That lasted only about a hour. Elliana was scared and wanted me and cried and cried. Hunter could not sleep and wanted only to be held. Spencer was the only one who actually slept and it was 12 hours. I really hope the kids are better tonight.

Doctor...
Today we had to visit the U.S. Embassy doctor. It went really well. They checked how the kids were progressing. We did have to do a urine test. So make sure if you are adopting that you don't have the kids to go to the bathroom before the visit. It was very interesting trying to help the kids go to a bathroom in a cup. It was not an experience I really want to do again. However, in the end all kids passed.  We also stopped by the passport place to get updated pass ports.

Tomorrow we have the day free. Hoping that the kids will be more stable we are going to try the beach. Tonight has been hard so maybe tomorrow they will be better.

Airlines!! / Deep meaning

I am accustom to flying. I fly for business and pleasure. I have never had as many issues as we have had with flying to and from Latvia.  We have been trying to find flights that were close to $1200 a person. We were finding $1500 to $2200.  Someone from our church told us about flying out of Canada. I know that is not ideal but last night they posted flights for $1100 a person. We jumped all over it. I was feeling really good about it until this morning. We received a call from Expedia this morning. They listed the price incorrect and wanted another $1,500!!! I started off talking to them but due to my job I could not continue. Jeff talked to them for hours and finally they caved. They kept saying we did not put in the kids birth dates. Which anyone that booked any airline ticket knows you can’t even get to the page to pay without that information loaded on the screen. So they were just flat out telling us lies. They had already cancelled our flights and had to book us all new ones. The outgoing was fine but the flight home will be tough. It is about a 5 hour drive to the airport in Canada and we now land around 7pm. Our kids will be a mess for days. I can’t wait until all the adoption paperwork, fees, and travel are over. I normally stay calm but this started to put me on the edge.

 

The kids are adjusting and feeling more comfortable however, they sometimes act out trying to tell us a message. The message sometimes is really deep and the action is repeated several times before we finally get the message.  For example, Hunter for a while would get upset when we talk about him growing or if we made a comment like “Wow you are getting big.” I honestly had no idea until finally I put some pieces together. In their foster place when they got big they moved to another fostercare or an orphanage. He feels if he gets too big he will have to move to the next home.  I started telling him he can grow as big as Daddy and he will always be with us. It is starting to calm him down but it may takes a few times to explain this. Hunter also hates everything with going to school this fall. In Latvia he went to a boarding school. Luckily during one of his crying melt downs over school I got him calm enough to explain that he will always come home to sleep and will not be sleeping at school. He actually stopped crying, hug me, and went to bed.  Another example, Spencer has been digging in our trash a lot and we keep yelling at him. This has been going on since we got him. Finally on July 3^rd, he told me that in Latvia he would go to trash pull food out, hide by the cars and eat.  Also, that one time he found cake and it was good. He told me several stories. After he went to go play, I had to go cry in the bathroom. So every time he goes to the trash I pull out a snack and have him say “Mommy I am hungry.” Also, with Spencer after 5 min time in, he would sit and whine or pout. One day last week after 5min time in I was calming down Hunter and I started doing “I love you when you are mad.” “I love you when you are happy.” “I love you when you are good.” “I love you when you act bad.” Spencer walked over to me and asked “Even during 5 minute time in?”  I answered yes. His next 5 minute time in after it was done he went to play no whining or crying or self-hitting, nothing.

 

Elliana is the one that I have not figured the puzzle pieces out yet. We got into the biggest argument we have had last Sunday a few hours before church.  She wanted to get into an argument. I could tell it had nothing to do with the actual thing. E “I want to wear a dress.” Me “Then pick one of your dresses out.” E “ I want to wear a dress.” Me “Yes you can wear one.” E “I want to wear a dress.” Me “Yes you are a young lady you can wear a dress.”  E “ I don’t want to be a lady.” Me “You are a girl you will end up being a lady one day.” E “I want to wear a dress and no lady.” Me “ Go pick out a dress and don’t worry about being a lady be my sweet little girl.” E” I want to wear a dress.” Me “What is wrong and what do you need.”  E “I want to wear a dress.” It went one for hours during my entire laundry. She stood outside my shower to continue this.  Then while I dressed. Finally I lost it. I did not yell but I said “Elliana please go away if all you want to do with argue about nothing.” She replied “I hate America and I hate it here.” She screamed and yelled went to her room. Jeff came running to see what was going on. This went on for about an hour. I tagged out with Jeff and he handled Elliana and I took the boys. We arrive at church on time which was amazing. After church service she comes to me and said “Mommy you got mad at me.” I told her I don’t know why she wanted to argue and be mean this morning. If something is wrong you need to tell Mommy what the issue is so I can fix it. She hugged me and said I love you Mom and I am sorry. I felt so much better after that little conversation. I know she did not mean her comments about America but I don’t know why we even had this argument. I wondered if she was testing me to see how much I love her? If someone else knows maybe why please let me know.

 

We are still trying to work on the kids with playing. Elliana and Spencer both will not play with other kids. They will play near them but never actually with the other kids. Hunter still has to be introduced but then he will play. He is a little rough with his hands and we are working on that. We love these kids but we do have to remember they have a past that created their since of logic, reasoning, and behaviors. The behaviors we don’t like we need to adjust but it will take time. It takes 21 times of doing something a new way before you start to create the behavior change. That statistic is for adults. I can’t imagine how many times a kid needs to do it. We are trying to give everything to these kids. I know it is hard with working full time. Sometimes work takes so much out,  and when I get home I just want to relax but I still find strength down deep to give more to my kids.

Trip Three Dates!

We received our trip three dates! I am so happy about this. We'll be going back during the second week of August. This means we can enroll them into school on time. We did find out that trip three has more appointments then we thought. They want us to stay for a full week. I was under a different impression that we only needed to be there one full day. So we will be gone for about 7 days. I am trying to see if we can stay in the same place as before. I thought that might be easier for the kids but I am not sure. We told the kids a few weeks ago that we had to go back and it did not go over very well with Spencer. He has been asking non stop about flying to Latvia.  In hind site we definitely should have waited a bit longer. We are going to wait until a week before we go before we bring it up again. I want them to be mentally prepared but not freak them out. I hope a week is the right time frame, we will find out in a few weeks. 

I was thinking that Elliana was understanding more about family. She wants to read the Berenstain Bears "We are a family" book almost every night.  We were hanging out with one of my friends and Elliana pulled me aside and asked if I was still going to be her mother. She thought my friend was going to be taking her. It broke me up. I tell them and read them books but I am not sure what else I can do. This may be one of those things that just takes a lot of time. She got in an argument with Spencer and said he told Elliana that he never wanted to be hir friend again. Elliana cried and cried. I told her that Spencer is your brother and no matter how mad we get with each other we will always be family. If we say unkind words to each other, we need to work through that and make up. She felt better. That night after dinner Spencer did say to Elliana "We are friends." then hugged her.

We have been working really hard on sitting at the table correctly. Spencer has the biggest problem in this area. Well last night he wanted to look under the table to see who was correct. Dad quickly fix his feet and in the process kicked me. I was laughing because I thought Dad was caught by Spencer but Elliana told Dad he better apologize to me and give me a hug.  Jeff hugged and kiss me. Elliana when we finished said "Oh that was so nice." It was such a cute thing to say.

Spencer has been cracking Jeff and I up. The biggest number in the world to him is 45. If he only knew how close to that age one of this parents was. HA.  He says it all the time. He wants to eat 45 beans. When I say I will be done in a while, he will reply " in 45 minutes?"  I was doing the "I love you this much". He replied I love you that much 45 times.  Last week he wanted to do the alphabet 45 times plus 10. He did it once and said no more. Smart boy.

Spencer also has been talking about his teeth hurting. I thought he just wanted attention because of what Hunter just went through. I kept saying you are fine until about day 4. Then I looked in his mouth and found out he has a loose tooth! He is excited because he gets to go to the store with just Mom and pick out stuff for his tooth fairy pillow.  He wants a dinosaur and tractor pillow. If you have any ideas on how to pull that one off please let me know. I was thinking about a pillow that has one side dinosaur and the other tractor. I have never made a pillow from scratch so this will be interesting.

Jeff and I keep forgetting about Hunter's teeth or lack there of. You would think we should know by now but a few nights ago we made BBQ ribs. The poor guy could not eat it and just mouthed it. When Jeff finally noticed Hunter still gnawing on the same one for 10 min he asked Hunter if he would like daddy to cut the meat off the bone.  He was not OK with us cutting it off and pursued to gum it off.  Additionally, cherries are on sale now and I really want the kids to try all different kinds of food. I never thought about him and how hard it would be to eat. He can manage it but until that gum toughens up it is hard for him to eat certain foods.

Building Trust

Everyday we are still building trust. That is the kind of trust that the parents will love them and take care of them every day. It is also the trust that the kids will not burn the house down or destroy things while the parents are in the other room. HA. Yes we have been together for almost 5 months but the kids still question if Jeff and I are always going to be there. I have heard it can take over a year to four years until the kids completely trust. Each of our kids have different levels of trust in us. They do test this trust. They just always want reassurance that we do love them. For example Elliana was very upset for several days in a row and after she would finish crying she asked if I loved her. Of course I'd give her that reassurance and then pull out the book "I love you because you are you." I added her name to each page. She has heard me say it a thousand times but I am sure she will need it said another thousand times and see it in my actions over and over again. Overall Jeff and I are really happy at how well the bonding is going. The kids do come to us for their needs, they look to us and cling to us when we are out with strangers. We still have work in this area but we have already come so far in just 5 months!

A few nights ago Hunter was a little insecure and ask if I would lay down with him for a bit. Jeff and I don't sleep with the kids but we will let them climb in our bed if it is close to waking up time. Well I said I would lay down with him. I had to use the toilet first and when I came back, he went to the closet and pulled out a pillow. He patted the pillow and said "I got for you Mommy."  It was just the sweetest little jester that melted me. He had no pillow case on it but he thought about my comfort and pulled me a pillow.

For Fathers day, I had the kids all draw Daddy a card. Spencer decided to draw our family. He drew five figures with belly buttons and all. It was cute. Daddy was so happy when he saw that. The picture/card now is a proud piece of art work that hangs on our refrigerator.

Yesterday we had another couple over that is also adopting a sibling set of 3-4 from Latvia. It was great to talking with them. It reminds me of how I was feeling only 8 months ago. Wow have our lives changes since then. They brought our kids each a gift. They hit the nail on the head for Elliana. She loves this microphone toy. She has been signing frozen songs at the top of her lungs now amplified non-stop. HA. We love it well maybe not Jeff so much but he is coping. :-) We are going to add songs to it so we don't hear Frozen all the time. She is sharing with the boys and counting how many minutes they are allowed to have it.  The boys are singing all the bed times songs that I sing to them every night. Spencer sings "You are my sunshine."  Hunter signs "Baby Beluga."  The dogs are hiding upstairs while all this happens. Jeff and I are just laughing at it all. They are signing while I am typing this up.

Coming up the kids have a swimming trip with their daycare. I am very nervous about that. Our kids can't swim. We have been trying to get them swimming every chance we have. Last weekend we went to Grandma and Grandpa Holub's house. We swam in their pond. The kids at first were nervous but then they jumped right in. They need a noodle or boogie board to stay afloat. Once they know English better we will sing them up for swimming classes.

We still have not heard word on our trip three yet. We are really hoping for early August. We want to get them into school and start with everyone else. Hopefully we will know in the next week or two. We finally got our DS 260 filed! The embassy website has been down and were to have this filed before trip two what a pain. I was getting nervous so I am glad it finally worked. 

I had a really hard time picking what pictures to add since I had so many good ones. So here are a few.

We let each kids have the controls for bit. They loved it!

Our little fishes.

Spencer says right from left, Mom, Dad, Hunter, Spencer, and Elliana. Spencer really likes big bellies so he gets the biggest one. HA.

Elliana and Spencer went for a walk around the pound. They held hands the entire time. Sibling Love.

Hunter's Surgery

When Jeff and I were in Latvia we were told that Hunter's teeth were not an issue. For those of you that have seen the inside of Hunter's mouth you would have thought something different. We went to a special dentist to have them checked out. Our dentist told us we need to get him in to remove several teeth, cap others which includes drilling and filling, root canals, and check into a possible infection. They could not get us in until September for the surgery but they put us on the cancellation waiting list. This past Tuesday we received a call for Hunter to come in that Friday. We jumped on it. This poor brave little guy had to be put under for a surgery/teeth extractions that lasted 70 minutes. The dentist came out and said it was worse then he thought. There was a nasty infection in there. The doctor was able to scrap it all out however, it reached his adult teeth. We are going to have permanent discoloration to his adult teeth. That was not what we wanted to hear but now a days you can do a lot with teeth color.  We are just so glad we got the infection out when we did.

Jeff spent all day Friday with him. Hunter when he woke up from his surgery did freak out with the IV in his arm. Jeff was saying he would come in and out and wave his arms around to get the IV off. He is only getting soft foods for a while due to the four holes in his mouth and the four brand new silver caps. At dinner he told me that his mouth feels so much better. It made Jeff and I wonder if he was always in mouth pain but did not say anything to us. Today being the first day after the surgery he was extremely clingy.  The other kids took his surgery harder then I thought they would. Elliana Thursday night before his surgery kept telling him that she loved him and it would be ok. She hugged and kissed him several times. She was very worried about him.

There has been something that I have been noticing for a while now but could not understand. Sometimes and buy all means less than 40% of the time when you are holding one of these kids they would rub my back or pat me like you would a baby.  They were all doing this over the past week and I told Jeff this means something. Well sure enough we looked into it and these are signs of neglect. People are made to be touched and loved. It is common in baby orphanages that the kids will reach through the wood slats to touch another baby. They may rub or pat them. It is a way of getting that human touch. When our kids do this now, I will hold them close and I don't pull away until they initiate the  pull away.  I am also trying to make sure I give them extra loving when possible. Elliana and Hunter both were doing this to me as soon as they found out about Hunter's Surgery.

We did have Hunter's birthday! It was a dinosaur theme and it was so much fun.  He had so much fun! We got a ton of dinosaur gifts.  All the nieces and nephews got to play with water balloons and run in the water sprinkler. Elliana saw Macie's bathing suit and she realized she had the same one so we had to go up stairs and change into the same one. It was really cute. The kids all had a blast. We also got to do another camping night. Elliana gets the most excited about sleeping outside.  She was still running around the tent screaming and laughing, 

Trip Two!!

Jeff just came back from trip two! We found out two weeks before he had to be back in country.  We pulled together the fees and paperwork just in time.  He left early Friday morning and flew home late on a Tuesday.  He had a court appointment. Now we heard that Latvia court was hard but all of our experiences were great.  Jeff said this court was hard. They (the prosecutor and judge) questioned him for 1.5 hours!! The major topics were our finances, everyday life schedule, improvements, communication, schooling, home arrangements and Jeff and I’s adjustments.  Jeff was glad that he took 22 pictures this was a big deal to have, he probably should have taken more.  It was a one day ordeal and that was all.  Jeff decided to fly Aeroflot (the Russian airline) which went from JFK airport to Moscow then to Riga.  Aeroflot only flies out of JFK but is about $400 cheaper.   

All we have left is just one more trip to Latvia and the expensive part of the adoption is over!! I can't wait. We hear we might go the 1st or 2nd week of August. Perfect time so we can get the kids into school.

Life has kept us moving. The kids are learning so much English it is great. Jeff and I now have to talk after the kids go to bed. HA. The two older ones have gone into a different class at daycare. They are now with the school age kids. Hunter is by himself but he is doing well. He asks where Elliana and Spencer are but he is learning so much by not having them around.

While Jeff was gone I took the kids swimming. They loved it. They must have been in the water before. They can’t swim but they were not scared. Hunter was very close to floating. Elliana loved to go underwater and hold her breath. Spencer could splash around on a noodle. They want to go again soon. We are definitely going to set them up with swimming lesson this fall at an indoor pool if not sooner.  

The kids’ rooms are almost done. Elliana has flowers painted on her room. Her Aunt Robin did an amazing job. Elliana even got to paint a flower. She loved it!  We are adding the butterflies to them tonight. Elliana has been saying she likes the blue flowers. We finally got her to say that she likes the color blue. Aunt Robin said that her favorite color was blue. Elliana had to think for a minute. She understood that a girl can like another color besides pink. It was great that she is getting comfortably enough to finally say what she feels and likes.  Of the three kids Elliana is picking up English the quickest.

Spencer is starting to come into his own as well. We have very small steps but they are steps. He always says he likes what everyone else does. Hunter loves dinosaurs. So Spencer says he does as well. I got another poster for the boys room and I showed them before I put it up. Hunter was kissing this T-Rex and Spencer looked up gave a fake big smile and went back to playing. I wanted until he was alone and asked him if he liked cars or airplanes. He got really excited when I said airplanes. Just like Elliana he always gets happy when we talk about any “machine”.  So I happened to have two planes pictures. I pulled them out and Spencer said I like those planes Mom.  I painted the picture frames to make them more for kids. It was a hit! So the boys room has planes and dinosaurs. 

I really want the kids to be able to tell me what they like without being afraid of my reaction.  So we let them pick out there clothes. Regardless of how they look that is how they dress. I don’t want to limit them because it is the one thing that they can pick out without me pulling teeth to get them too. Hunter by far is the most adjusted. He will tell me what he likes and does not like. Luckily he like almost every type of food and is very easy going. 

I want to share with you a video of Spencer feeding Mia. These poor dogs have to listen to “Happy Birthday” song before they are feed. Mia is licking her lips and sitting really pretty. It cracks me up!  You can hear Hunter crying in the background. He sometimes does not wake up well.  These dogs do love these kids back. Mia carried Spencer’s blanket to the coach and slept on it while Spencer was at daycare.